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82 comments

[–] asmahan 81 points (+81|-0)

I'm a transsexual male [to female]. I'd agree with the TERFs and call myself a TiM if it wasn't for the emphasis on identifying as trans; I don't identify as anything, I am a transsexual.

And I don't identify as cis. Interesting the sudden understanding when the shoe is on the other foot.

[–] XX_Power 43 points (+43|-0)

We also don't identify as women, we are women.

Nobody says he identifies as blue eyed lmao

[–] GynyHappyPeople 77 points (+77|-0) Edited

The commenters really can’t see that what he’s upset about is exactly what they’re doing.

He’s aware that being trans ID’d won’t solve his problems, but he expected to pass and for the medication to alleviate his dyphoria. He doesn’t pass and it didn’t help, and now his mental illness is visible and obvious to people like his employers.

He feels he’s been encouraged into a neurosis that’s just made his underlying mental condition worse. The fact that he’s aware of all this but still feels a compulsion to have facial feminization surgery and pass must be difficult to live with. It sounds like he was depressed and developed an obsession with gender trying to figure out why he felt so bad.

Improving mental health care by improving studies, standard of care, affordability and access is a much saner approach to solving the present mental health crisis than trying to convince the masses to accept that a person can change sex. I imagine a world in which all the money and effort being put into the transgender lobby was instead dedicated to improving mental health care, and despair at the reality.

[–] jelliknight 48 points (+48|-0)

Yeah. Taking cross sex hormones and getting plastic surgery to look somewhat like the opposite sex is a bit like getting a forehead tattoo that says "I AM MENTALLY UNSTABLE". It sure as hell isnt going to make a normal life easier. They are the ones who egged him on to do it.

[–] KBash 14 points (+14|-0)

“Egged” is an appropriate choice of term here.

[–] Luckystar 10 points (+10|-0)

Transition honestly feels like a cruel lie being sold to gender dysphoric people. They will NEVER be the opposite sex. They will never 100% pass; most don't even pass most of the time! What's the point in encouraging Gamestop ma'am to go on HRT or use female pronouns? It's just allowing people to make a laughing stock of themselves...

[–] lucrecia 46 points (+46|-0)

Yeah, he's like "I'm sick of the excessive positivity of trans spaces" and the comments are all doing it right there.

[–] XX_Power 32 points (+32|-0)

I don't get guys like him. He seems like he's close to realizing that sex changes are not possible and that the trans cult grooms people into believing the lie that sex changes are possible and will make your life like heaven on earth.

But he can't take one further step into accepting he will always be a man. So he goes to the trans spaces and half assedly tells them that trans is a lie. What does he expect, that they all immediately terf out? What is his end goal?

It feels a bit like he's trying to get people to tell him he's too ugly or mannish to "successfully transition". He keeps mentioning "if he passed"... I mean do they seriously not realize that the supermajority of TIMs will never pass? He has to have actually seen some TIMs, like does he think Bruce Jenner passes? Even, say, Blaire White with the small statute and innumerable surgeries basically reads as an effeminate gay men to most.

[–] sallyseton 15 points (+15|-0)

He's seeking validation from those around him that he's a woman and since he's not passing and getting it he's angry he was sold a false bill of goods by the excessive positivity of the trans bubble.

Exactly how I felt after watching the Debbie Hayton Triggernometry interview. You understand that you are a man and say you understand where women are coming from yet you still hold on to the trans train despite denouncing the other trans people... how does that work? Why are you the exception?

[–] MenHaveItEasy 47 points (+47|-0)

I'd really reccomend trying to find some trans people to share photos with and see what they think. Try to share them with FTMs because they won't be as good at picking you apart as a MTF.

"Ask TIFs because they are women, and women are conditioned to give you free asspats and therapy whenever you demand, and will likely sympathize with you that men have the harder life."

Women are better at sniffing out frauds, and suspicious of anything that feels off, because we have to be aware of our own safety. Men prioritize "Muh dick" and would be easier to fool when there's least a half assed effort at "passing". Of course in person, nobody is fooled.

[–] XX_Power 20 points (+20|-0)

But because the TIFs are women they'll also just politely agree with him even if they could spot his maleness from a mile away

[–] viragoeternal 9 points (+9|-0)

it's crazy how they all know there are such big differences trending in behaviour between TIFs and TIMs yet not one of them will acknowledge it's socialisation

[–] LepistaNuda 1 points (+1|-0)

Men prioritize "Muh dick" and would be easier to fool when there's least a half assed effort at "passing".

I'm beginning to believe that the trope best exemplified by Bugs Bunny donning a blonde wig, dress and lipstick to befuddle Elmer Fudd has some basis in truth. It was also played up by Terry Pratchett in Jingo. There is truth to this and may be one of the reasons men are hard to reach on this subject. They do not see trans. They see ugly women that they would not fuck. Men do not look closely enough at first if certain boxes are ticked and can be totally fooled by 'feminine performance' so I don't pity them for this.

[–] crodish 40 points (+40|-0)

It's "supportive" because the only other alternative is to be shamed for being tRaNspHoBiC, and losing your job. Eat your fucking cake.

[–] Lilim 36 points (+36|-0)

Yeah, I’m finding it harder and harder to have sympathy at this point for the adults that pursue this. The amount of abuse lobbed at women and the LGB (and lesbians in particular) should have been a clue this isn’t some awesome righteous cause.

That said, I still think the doctors hold a huge responsibility in this. Removing the “gate keeping” instead of hormones and surgery for all is blatant medical abuse and should never have been allowed to happen in the first place.

[–] XX_Power 20 points (+20|-0)

That's exactly the reason why old school "gender doctors" didn't okay HRT and surgery if they figured the TIM would never pass. Because obviously that leads to increased suicidal ideation, like we see here

[–] Ruby 11 points (+11|-0)

They also knew the straight ones were sex pests and tended to only allow it in gay men. Homophobic and sexist, but they weren't wrong about the pests.

[–] Tnetennba 8 points (+8|-0) Edited

I blame the administration that pressures doctors into doing something unethical for fear of being sued. They don't understand health issues, they shouldn't be making ANY policies.

[–] Yemaya 37 points (+37|-0)

He's being honest and people are still like "you are beautiful and brave" lol. He's right, only a small minority do the lovebombing and will tell him he is a woman and passes but he sees what it's like in the real world. He sees even the progressives and liberals who say TWAW can't hide that they know he a dude.

[–] TervenofBitches 0 points (+0|-0)

I really liked mr. menno’s interview with graham linehan. They hit on exactly this point. Their entire identity relies on external validation, and it’s not possible to bend reality to your whims. The house of cards is going to fall sooner or later.

[–] themiserychick 29 points (+29|-0)

It's kinda sad that they're so deluded and hug boxed into thinking that they'll be indistinguishable from real women.

[–] delicate_silicate 27 points (+27|-0)

I went from being offered managerial positions

I highly doubt that

to being laughed at in interviews.

That doesn't happen. That's actual transphobic behavior and cause for punishment these days.

I think this guy might be a habitual liar.

[–] operaghost 25 points (+25|-0)

Yeah I am involved in a program for people trying to break into the tech industry, and of course there's a trans woman in the group. They're constantly moaning about how hard it is for trans people to even get through an interview process, let alone get hired, because people are so phobic against trans people.

But what I've learned in interacting with this person is that they are actually a really toxic person in general. Transness aside, they have SO MANY obvious and immediate red flags in their behavior. Even in the group, it doesn't seem like anyone else is very enthusiastic about them. It seems to me like this person is failing to get through interviews because their personality is coming through and the interviewers rightly understand that this person will not be pleasant or easy to work with.

I've heard the sentiment echoed in some queer and tech groups I'm part of, too. So it does seem to be a common strand in their internal narratives of how much they are victims. They can't ever see that their own behavior is at the heart of why people don't want to be around them, so they externalize the reason to be something out of their control -- people are bigoted against them.

Seems to me interviewers will have figured out by now that they can’t openly not hire transvestites because they’re transvestites, but they can sure read a red flag when it’s being waved at them and hire a better candidate. Which would be anyone, including the office cat.

[–] pennygadget 27 points (+27|-0)

One of the delusional TRAs in that thread said...

Maybe this isn't so much because you're trans - but because WOMEN are often overlooked for managerial positions. Sexism is a thing and men are often preferred for roles in management.

...yeah. I'm sure THAT'S why the man in the dress wasn't hired for managerial positions. It couldn't possibly be because hiring a non-passing trans person is just asking for a lawsuit whenever a co-worker inevitably "misgenders" them or whatever

[–] dixiechick547 26 points (+26|-0)

This is a fact that so many of them seem not to realize. Even the most progressive minded ‘live and let live’ person would be leery about hiring a TIM. After all HR’s number one priority is protecting the company. Why on earth would they risk hiring such an obvious liability? I know I would never knowingly hire one. Even if they weren’t in a customer facing position they would totally destroy the vibe of the team.

There’s a reason people typically don’t wear their perversions in public. They’d be well to understand this. If Biden does pass this Equally Act it could make it even worse. Having to accommodate them exactly like a woman? In practical terms it’s damn near impossible. Like in that Bostock case. How can a funeral home have this big hulking man running around in a dress? Bereaved people don’t want to see that shit and they would’ve lost business. Some shit just doesn’t fly I don’t care how ‘progressive’ you think you are.

[–] pennygadget 19 points (+19|-0)

Can you imagine being an HR person having to deal with a TIM coming to you with "problems" like, "Susan from Marketing refuses to go in the ladies room when I'm in there and it makes me feel invalid!" or "I'm the only woman in the office who wasn't invited to Leslie's woman-only Bachelorette Party! Leslie is bullying me and making me feel invalid and unsafe!!!". I wouldn't want to take that risk!

Like in that Bostock case. How can a funeral home have this big hulking man running around in a dress? Bereaved people don’t want to see that shit and they would’ve lost business.

That's why I felt bad for the funeral home. They had a traditional dress code because you need to be conservative and professional when dealing with grieving people (and, IIRC, most of their clients were religious as well). Can you imagine bringing your 90 year old grandma in to talk about burying her husband and some guy who looks like a dull drag queen greets you? Nobody wants to deal with that while grieving!

[–] dixiechick547 18 points (+18|-0)

There’s this former wedding photographer who posts on Twitter complaining about losing his business when he came out. Dude a wedding day is about the couple getting married. A middle aged dude flouncing around would draw all the attention. Photography is crazy expensive, the last thing you want to do is spend all that money to have your photographer making a spectacle of himself.

This is something lots of companies will have to come to terms with. And that’s before you even get to the inevitable histrionics they’re always flipping out on. There was one where the TIM complained that the his female co-workers never invited him to lunch! Seriously? Going to HR because your co-workers don’t want to be friends.

[–] TervenofBitches 4 points (+4|-0)

It’s ironic, because women have to deal with this all the time. A woman who isn’t conventionally pretty knows she isn’t going to get hired as a front desk person at a salon. We just accept that our looks and the way we present ourselves matters. TiMs say they want to be treated like women, and not getting a job because of how they look/dress is a common female experience (of course, they don’t want that part of being a woman).

[–] NO 14 points (+14|-0)

By not hiring them you are treating them like a woman.. this is what they wanted

“But not thaaaaaat kind of being treated like a woombman”

[–] vulvapeople 4 points (+4|-0)

I thought women were often sought out for mid-management. The issue is that they're rarely able to rise above that level, not that women are never offered promotions.

[–] dixiechick547 25 points (+25|-0) Edited

Yep. Now the whole world knows you’re a creepy pornsick pervert who wanked himself into this disgusting state. At some point therapists would’ve come up with a protocol of CBT to help you back to good mental health but your fellow creeps have made that impossible. So enjoy the hugboxing but deep inside you know it’s all a charade. Everyone knows exactly what you are because you were stupid enough to put it on legal documents.

I agree that no one is openly laughing at him in interviews but I’ve been on a few interview committees where someone sounds like a decent candidate on paper but when they come in you immediately start looking around at fellow committee members to see if they see what you see. I would imagine that for the candidate it’s very uncomfortable. Nothing’s said out loud but the atmosphere is almost impossible to control. So it’s possible he’s not lying but given the rate at which TIMs do lie I always assume they’re lying.

It’s interesting to me that he realizes that his behavior is self destructive and resents the encouragement that got him to this point yet he plans to continue. Why on earth would he go through with a legal name change prior to surgery?

[–] immersang 12 points (+12|-0) Edited

Nothing’s said out loud but the atmosphere is almost impossible to control. So it’s possible he’s not lying but given the rate at which TIMs do lie I always assume they’re lying.

I do think that he's lying in so far as that while there might have been some involuntary reactions to him that he picked up on, never in a million years do I believe that someone was actually outright laughing at him. That just seems like one of the typical TRA "literal violence" / "you debate my right to exist" / "TERFs want to literally kill me" exaggerations that aren't even close to the truth.

They should be laughed out of the room, but it’s not going to happen in the current conditions.

[–] salty-tomorrow 6 points (+6|-0)

It sounds like if you wait, then you’ve had the surgery and your legal name doesn’t match your appearance, or whatever.

So either way you’re screwed (because the whole thing is dumb).

[–] Sunkised 25 points (+25|-0)

Top comments are about passing, but but I thought passing doesn't matter!!

[–] IrishTheFrenchie 23 points (+23|-0)

If I could go back I would have never have came out until/unless people started thinking I was a woman in spite of how I presented.

This is why psychiatrists used to not let someone proceed to SRS unless they would pass. Because for these people, not passing is worse than if they just never started transitioning in the first place.

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