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121 comments

[–] Boudicaea 83 points (+83|-0)

Wanting connection and having standards before you put out makes you asexual now? That is the dumbest thing I have ever heard.

[–] pennygadget 48 points (+48|-0)

Wanting connection and having standards before you put out makes you asexual now? That is the dumbest thing I have ever heard.

Whats scary is lots of people in the leftie "sex positive" crowd push the notion that not wanting to fuck every human you meet (and being grossed out by kinks) makes you asexual. To them, there's no middle ground between totally asexual and a kinky nymphomaniac

[–] Penthesilea 23 points (+23|-0)

I think demisexual IS the middle ground.

[–] PlainSimpleTailor 17 points (+17|-0)

Yup, very depressing to see how the goalposts have been moved to include literal sexual abuse as "normal" sexuality, making everyone who doesn't enjoy it "abnormal".

[–] hmimperialtortie 21 points (+21|-0)

That’s the line that was being pushed on AVEN years ago. They were totally brainwashed by hookup culture and porn, and talked as if being “allosexual” (normal people, I think) meant wandering around in a near-permanent state of arousal and being down to fuck any random who crossed your path.

[–] TerfHerder 21 points (+21|-0) Edited

It was so confusing to me when people got mad at me for assuming asexuals had no sexual interest.

“We can be interested in people sexually, but we value the emotional connection more”

“…so you’re just well-adjusted individuals?”

“No we’re asexual!”

[–] pennygadget 10 points (+10|-0)

it was so confusing to me when people got mad at me for assuming asexuals had no sexual interest...

"But asexuality is a SPECTRUM!!"

LOL. That literally makes no sense. Its like saying, "I'm a lesbian. But I fuck men on Tuesdays because sometimes ya just crave a little dick. Lesbian is a SpEcTrUm y'all!!"

Tumblr needs to be nuked.

[–] Tnetennba 6 points (+6|-0)

What's so difficult about saying "I didn't get enough attention from my parents and am desperately searching for any kind of specialness"?

[+] [Deleted] 16 points (+17|-1)
[–] [Deleted] 10 points (+10|-0)

yup! this is why I thought I was asexual in high school. I actually think there’s something to be said for (mostly young girls) having a way to resist hookup culture that is forced on them, but obviously claiming like it’s an oppressed identity is absurd.

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[–] Dionaea 23 points (+23|-0) Edited

Yeah, it went from asexual = having no desire to have sex with anyone ever to asexual = not wanting to have sex with everyone immediately and all the time. It's really sad but that's today's hypersexualised and pornified culture for you where you have to be into everything and if you aren't, something's wrong with you.

[–] Suffrajitsu 6 points (+6|-0)

That's what I thought. I once joined an asexual forum because after I reached adulthood, I realized that part of the reason I was so confused as a teen (and still as an adult) was that I honestly didn't get the difference between a close friend and a lover. I'd never experienced, not just sexual attraction, but any form of arousal whatsoever. It never bothered me; I figured that I just never left the cooties stage of life. When it eventually hit me how weird everyone thought I was, I did a Google search and found asexuality. I shrugged and thought, "Welp, that must be it."

It wasn't queer, and I never felt the need to tell anyone because it's not like the lack of sexual feelings is something radical. The only annoyance was that everyone around me thought it was my duty to marry and procreate. I joined a forum just to see how many people out there experienced the same thing, but it wasn't long before everyone seemed to decide this was a particularly radical/special/queer "orientation" (can you even call it that?) and tried as hard as possible to squeeze their own experiences into it.

I don't hang out on such forums anymore, as there's no real purpose to it. A lot of "asexuals" are kids who just haven't developed their sexuality yet, and wanting an emotional relationship before one based on hormones isn't an abnormal sexuality, it's called being a well-adjusted human being whose romantic relationships likely have a much greater chance of survival because it isn't based on sex.

If you're truly asexual, the best thing to do is go back to whatever makes you happy. We don't experience oppression (and, no, your parents pushing you for grandchildren isn't oppression), we just come across as kind of quirky. Keep an open mind and don't do anything that feels wrong to you. Stop chasing after labels that will make you feel special. I believe everyone is unique, but you don't need to start jumping on bandwagons to try and force the world to think you're unique.

[–] Stealthygal 3 points (+3|-0)

It's also awful because a person who genuinely has no desire for sex is going to feel pressure to have sex anyway, not to be "normal" now but because other asexuals have and celebrate sexual relationships.

Like homosexuals being asked to have straight sex because of identities.

[–] Cessatrix 1 points (+1|-0)

It is so weird, it's like society has made everything so sexual all the time that it's killing my interest in actual sex. And it all seems just... sleazy somehow? Not positive. It's like sexiness is something you wallow in rather than something you enjoy.

[–] [Deleted] 16 points (+16|-0)

From google: "are demisexuals asexual? Yes. As mentioned before, demisexual people might identify as asexual, graysexual, or allosexual. Sexuality and orientation are fluid. You might find your capacity for sexual attraction shifts over time."

If you're asexual, aka you don't want to have sex with anyboy, ever, how the hell are you also demisexual, and want intimacy before sex??

[–] mil-bil 8 points (+8|-0)

We need to stop looking for logic where there is none (note to self, above all, because your question makes perfect sense to me).

These "orientations" are not orientations at all; they're quests for an invented special status.

[–] pellucidar 9 points (+9|-0)

It's more insidious than that: being a woman makes you asexual now. Only men are actually sexual because they jump on anything that moves.

[–] proudcatlady 9 points (+9|-0)

This. Yes, straights want to be “cool” and join LGBTLMNOP, but this is also a huge marker of the damage done to our society by the current porn and hookup culture. Men are not identifying as demisexual. Women are made to feel broken or “not straight” for not wanting to cater to men’s sexual whims on command.

I remember toying with the idea of identifying as demisexual in college when I felt like a steaming pile of shit, literally invisible and rejected by someone I thought loved me because I wasn’t ready for a sexual relationship yet. I didn’t then and I know now how cringe it was to even consider it, but it wasn’t because I was trying to identify into not being straight. I already knew I was bi. It was a defense mechanism to stop feeling like I was a defective female.