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37 comments

[–] Craywo 73 points (+73|-0)

That's actually REALLY an unprofessional thing to say, but as a psychologist myself, I can only imagine the anxiety of a colleague, dying to get rid of a patient who imagines a thousand problems (Dropping out of college to figure yourself out because you're, drumroll, BISEXUAL? Really? REALLY?!) to avoid the one real problem: a personality disorder.

[–] Jinera 46 points (+46|-0) Edited

I agree that it is unprofessional. However, you shouldn't underestimate the importance of being realistic. Just a couple of days ago I went to the psychiatric hospital my sister is at, they have a 16 yo TIM.

That boy is incredibly ugly, he is 6'5, undeniably male in every way shape or form. I over heard the staff talk to him about "what a glow up you'll have once you start on hormones! You will be the prettiest girl". My sister talked about it to with me and my mom "I can't wait to see how beautiful she will become in a few years!"

These people genuinely believe, and make others believe, that hormones will radically change their looks. That they will go through a magical glow up and pass. The reality is: they won't. Sometimes being told the truth is useful, especially if no one else will do that. Some even think hormones will change the shape of their face! Or cause them to shrink!

[–] dixiechick547 22 points (+22|-0)

The funny thing is, men’s faces change a lot. I noticed this in high school where really unattractive guys became good looking guys by the time they are in their late teens early 20s. I’ve got a 17 yo who just got his drivers license. The difference in his learners permit photo from two years ago is striking. He doesn’t even look like the same boy. Not sure I’d even recognize him and he’s my kid!

That 6’5” ugly boy could possibly grow into an attractive or at least, not ugly, man, if allowed to continue to mature and develop.

[–] sarahsmile 19 points (+19|-0)

And there my teenage daughter sits, thinking she’s fat and ugly while this dude “glows.”

[–] IWantAGirlRiot 7 points (+7|-0)

As a woman who’s been through mental health treatment twice for issues including ED behaviors, the other women in my program and I were encouraged to accept ourselves and to find ways to cope with that urge to alter our bodies for external validation. Sometimes when thoughts are bad I will sit on the couch and bitterly complain about my armpit fat (lol). I’m told to accept my body and love myself. But the TiM in our family is encouraged to alter himself. The messaging is so clear.

[–] TervenofBitches 1 points (+1|-0)

Seriously! They’re hormones, not magic! These people are being sold a lie, which is going to further exacerbate their self-hatred when estrogen doesn’t turn them into pretty anime girls.

[–] bumpyjerboa 37 points (+37|-0)

The dropping out of college bit really got me. I mean... How could you even say that with a straight face?

[–] Fugacity 35 points (+35|-0)

He talks about it like he couldn't juggle college + "figuring himself out", as if he'd be spending 9-5 Mon-Fri sitting on his ass wondering if he likes dudes

[–] Laurel 24 points (+24|-0)

"Dropping out of college to figure myself out" is a phrase I haven't encountered since the 1960s. Apparently a lot of rich white boys who didn't have to worry about the draft were so afflicted (gay or not) back then.

[–] Hyacinth 6 points (+7|-1) Edited

His college age stood out to me, like Camilia Paglia said masculinity is on the decline in esteem and confused young men facing a uncertain job market look at transitioning which universities are now generously and disastrously footing the bill for, as a "Put it off" excuse and as a job marketing strategy. And also being bigger risk takers with a underdeveloped sense of future consequences.

[–] LunarMoose 30 points (+30|-0) Edited

I agree it's unprofessional. But (sort of but) it was his whole point. Can I pass? He doesn't think so. Perhaps she was sort of echoing his ideas?

(also therapist, btw! )

Frankly, he might be embellishing what she said - to make it worse (as in, are you worried that you'd be an unattractive woman).

Or, she tripped and really said that......also possible

[–] cranberrysalad 12 points (+12|-0)

I also wonder what he actually said. His account paints him as a good victim, as any personality disorder would advocate. Whatever the therapist said had to be taken heavily out of context.

[–] TervenofBitches 3 points (+3|-0)

BISEXUAL? Really?

Ikr? I thought coming out as bi was a requirement to get into college now.

[–] WildflowerCat 3 points (+3|-0)

I'm assuming there are guidelines on not "abandoning" clients, but is there a point where you can ethically say there is nothing else you can do for someone and drop them? I can't imagine how frustrating it would be to try to tell someone something they don't want to hear or accept over the course of years and make no progress on it.

[–] LunarMoose 3 points (+3|-0)

Yes, you can. You have to give them an alternative (a referral to another clinic - more suited to their problem(s) ).

[–] llkit 30 points (+30|-0)

With my Tim ex, telling him clearly that he would not look like a pretty woman is he transitioned, was a big reality shock. It was a realistic statement. With shoulders that broad.

I thought some therapy was about being challenged, certainly when the thinking is delusional.

[–] fightlikeagirl 29 points (+29|-0) Edited

Oop, she said the quiet part out loud. Guess men judging women by their appearance above all else has finally backfired now that they want to be us.

[–] f_by_nature 26 points (+26|-0)

all of these people, every single one of them, needs to go outside, and do something with their lives. litterpicking, farming, handing out leaflets - I don't care, just anything even vaguely productive.

dropping out of education to think about yourself - OK narcissus, how you gonna feed yourself?

bit harsh from the therapist but goodness some clear talking honesty is sorely needed.

[–] bellatrixbells 5 points (+5|-0)

Right ? That's also what comes to mind here. These people are incredibly self absorbed and don't seem like they're doing anything even remotely productive.

[–] PGTips4Lyfe 21 points (+21|-0)

How to say you've got a privileged life without saying you've got a privileged life.

Lol, I bet she didn't even say those exact words, but quite probably tried to tell him that it would be unlikely that he would "pass" - especially with his physique.

But even if she did, maybe she thought that might be the slap this guy needs to ground him in reality.

[–] immersang 12 points (+12|-0)

That’s what I think, too. She probably realized that it’s all based on a “I want to be a pretty girl” fetish for him and thought she might be able to keep him from a lifetime of drugs and misery with this honest, reality-based statement.

That’s what most of these men need. Not the “affirmative care” crap that most doctors seem to practice these days.

[–] [Deleted] 18 points (+18|-0)

God that therapist, god bless her struggle with these increasing freaks. It must be unreal having to deal with this on that level.

[–] dixiechick547 15 points (+15|-0)

I’m not sure this was unprofessional but then I’m Not a therapist, I’m a social worker. We have deal in what is, not in what we’d like things to be. Not saying that therapists don’t.

It’s interesting that he says ‘once I explained what passing is’. Clearly it’s important to him. Otherwise why bring it up in the first place? My guess is she probably asked him if he thought he’d be an attractive woman.

Someone somewhere has got to be real with these people. I don’t know how the hell they get to be grown ass men and no one will tell them the truth. Most men, even very attractive men, do not make passable, let alone attractive women.

[–] Lilim 11 points (+11|-0)

Echoing others that she probably didn’t use those exact words but it’s also possible she’s older and is going by the former criteria for “trans” (ie: they had to at least pass in a dimly lit gay bar before they’d even entertain “sex reassignment”). This is why gatekeeping was a good idea, psychiatrists can recognize AGPs who always look like ogres in dresses and they know you can’t force the rest of society to accept their delusions.

[–] lucrecia 10 points (+10|-0)

Fucking LOL.

(I agree it's unprofessional. I do wonder though about how bad that actually is. She's right, and in the long run he'd do better to accept that from day 1. I think many of these guys pursue it because they want to embody a fantasy of being a pretty woman. Letting them know that what they want is completely unattainable is valuable and someone should do it. I suppose that's normally the role of a family member or good friend, though.)

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